雅思写作之段落批改的重要性

很多烤鸭们经常抱怨，自己也练了很多文章，为什么写作分数还是不太理想呢？是练得不够多呢还是不够细呢？如何得到质的明显的提高呢？不妨我们去思考一下如下问题：

1. 所练习的文章话题都是你擅长的吗？遇到不擅长的话题还有话可说么？

2. 论据的给出和详细论证都是你自己独立列出的么？还是借助范文？切题么？

3. 你是否一直在尝试写些所谓的高级句型而忽略了“句子的准确”？词汇是不是也存在类似问题？

4. 是不是每种话题的文章你都有涉猎？每种话题的文章都在改之又改、精益求精呢？

这样的你，就好像处于黎明之前（before the crack of dawn）, 你也许只看到the darkness in the dark, 但还是会有那么一道光，会引领你有效突破雅思写作——段落批改。而朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家建议：文章练习不求泛泛但求改之又改，精益求精。因为段落的修改不仅仅是一个对错误的认知，一种措辞（diction）的培养，也是一种意识的形成。

这里，带大家看两个段落，考生们在自己写完作文后也可以对照此方法,先自己作出修改，如果仍有不清楚的地方，可以再求助所在中心的写作名师或者朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家们。

Task 1（学生习作节选）

题目详见《雅思高分范文（第7版）》 P4

The graphs below show the size of the ozone hole over Antarctica and theproduction of three ozone-damaging gases from 1980 to 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features andmake comparisons where relevant.

The size of the ozone hole stood at its smallest point at around 400 unitsin 1980, which showed （使用非限制性定语从句将接下来20年的变化和起点相连，既避免了the size of the ozone hole的重复使用，也增强了数据之间的衔接）a（注意语法的准确性，inverse为原因开头，前面的不定冠词应用an） inverse V-shaped change with its figure reaching the point at about2000 units in 1990. After that, it was projected that the value would climb back soon and experience（此图出现的时间为1980-2000年，为过去时间，时态直接使用一般过去时即可。很多考生在写作时经常出现时态紊乱的错误，这一点也是小作文写作中的“高压线”。考生们在写作时一定要细心，如果出现的均为过去的时间，直接使用一般过去时即可；如果既出现了过去的时间，又出现了将来的时间，则将来时间的部分应使用预测的语气，例如：it is predicted/projected/estimated that…; thenumber is likely to increase to/reach an estimated + 数字 in 年份） a consecutive raise（形近词的使用要注意，此处应使用rise, growth之类的词，且为名词） when its value approached the top level（也可以改成hit the peak/summit/the highest point

at about 3500 units in 2000.

朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家建议：

1. 语法的准确性需加强，时态的使用是重中之重，其他类似于冠词的小错误要避免；

2. 类似于rise和raise的形近词要多注意（拼写错误太多也会影响写作成绩，如-al和-le的比较：principle & principal, individual & schedule）；

3. 词性的区分要弄清。一个词的动词原形，V-ing, V-ed, 以及V所对应的名词形式（比较容易错的有：rise的过去式为rose而非rised, grow的过去式为grew而非grown）；

其他的考生们可以仿照此段，对自己的文章做出修改。

Task 2（学生习作节选）

题目详见《雅思高分范文（第7版）》 P169

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays, people all over the world are watching foreign films much morethan locally produced films. Why? Should government give more financial supportto the local film industry.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from yourown knowledge or experience.

As the first reason to be told, the investigation to produce local film is usually much lower than foreignfilms.（此处用investigation并不那么恰当，是否想表达的是investment? 形近词之间的区分要更加注意） Most of time, the quality of films depends on howmuch money it has input on them.（此处体现了第一处supporting ideas, 比较可惜的是出现了论据，但并没有展开论证。所以对于读者来说会有些unconvincing） Secondly,the cultural difference between foreign countries and mainland could also be areason.（注意句子的头重脚轻，可以将主语和宾语进行位置的互换，例如another factor that can be taken into account  is the cultural difference between countries） For the cause that local culture always follows thepeople who living there, people may feel tired of the content that locally madefilms show to them. They are more interested in foreign films because thestories and cultural background are different. Furthermore, the backward media technology may also be aproblem. In some developing countries, the technology they have in the field ofvideo and audio making is not so good as other foreign countries.（这句话有些过于wordy了，其实核心信息就想表达due to the backward media, in some underdevelopedcountries, the technology in the field of video and audio is not so good asthat in other foreign countries. 而且一定要加上that, 因为这样才能构成比较对象一致）That could leadin a result that the locally made films in those countries are lesscompetitive in sound and visual output than the films made abroad.（划线句过于wordy and redundant, 即过于啰嗦，不妨可以改成lead to less competitiveness in sound and visualoutput of local-made films than those made abroad) For that reason, peopleprefer more to the foreign films.

朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家建议：

1. 在语言表达的准确性上需进一步提升；

2. 论据与文章观点之间的连接性需要加强，切记要紧密切题。

总而言之(in a nutshell)，在平时的写作准备中有“三多”：多读，多练，多改。祝烤鸭们早日考到理想的成绩。